Being Sociable

[Phillipa]

We've been invited out to a friends birthday celebrations at a local curry house. I phoned them up and explained I'm allergic to milk, could they cater for me? The response was err, well we'll just put a little cheese on top of your curry then. I explained that wasn't suitable, I can't eat milk, cheese, cream, yoghurt, ghee, etc. So then he offered to make my curry with tip-top evapourated milk, because that's ok isn't it? Err no, it's not actually. Apparently they could just use a little bit, and reduce it to say 5% or my meal. Again I said this was unsuitable, but this was the best they could do.

Obviously I'm not going to be able to eat there, but does anyone know of a way I could still be sociable? Is it acceptable to have a meal beforehand and then go and just have a drink whilst everyone else is eating or does that depend on the restaurant? Our friend understands but I just wondered if anyone had found a way to handle these situations because they come up at weddings, work buffets etc on a pretty regular basis.

Thanks for any input.

[Copper]

I only go to restaurants that can cope with my dairy intolerance. A couple of years ago I was invited to a birthday party where we were expected to eat on the premises. They agreed there was nothing I could eat so allowed me to eat my own sandwiches.

We have been invited to a BBQ in August so I said we would bring some food. The host thought that we were being kind but we just want to make sure that there is something I can eat.

Eating out is tricky. I ring ahead like you did and if they can't cope then we don't go there. The problem comes when you are not the one organising the event.

[cnc]

That's a bit of an odd curry house, some curry's are designed to be dairy free, things like a Balti which are just meat and then a tomato based sauce.
Could you try ringing up again and seeing if you can talk to someone with a bit more sanity about them?
I don't see any problem with eating before hand and just having a drink. Or take your own food, several restaurants have been happy to let me do this- even one that said they would make me something dairy free but if I wasn't totally happy then they would happily let me bring something in for myself.
Hope you get it sorted.

As an aside I think it's actually illegal these days to not provide suitable food for someone with an allergy, as it comes under the DDA, but I can't find anything set out in stone, but DDA is designed to cover all types of disability.

[linny]

Forgive me if this is a dopey answer but do they do an English meal on the menu like Chinese restaurants do? I don't eat curry at all so have never been to a curry house.

My friend hated Chinese but always came out with our group and had omlette and chips.

How about having some rice and veg???

Good luck.

[Phillipa]

Thanks for the replies. Like Linny, I thought the obvious answer would be to eat from their English menu, but apparently they don't have one...mmm, never come accross this before, but that's what they said!

Thanks for reminding me about the DDA CNC, I'm sure you're right, I remember reading something about it when I first became allergic. Providing suitable food would be a "reasonable adjustment" which is what they have to do under the DDA. My husband and I are both disabled in other ways so I never relate it to just my allergy, I alway think of it in terms of access etc, but you've got a point. I guess this is just access from a different angle.

It looks like we have to be careful of the seemingly dairy free curry, this particular place, like many others according to a good dairy free book I've got, cook the meat using ghee. (clarified butter)

[cnc]

I did a bit more investigation and I'm not sure food allergies are covered explicitly, but like you I think they could be argued under the 'reasonable adjustment' ruling, it certainly wouldn't make them bankrupt to not cook with butter for one curry!! I think if you demanded that they use a whole different set of pans etc... then they could argue that they couldn't afford it, but asking them to omit an ingredient shouldn't be a problem. Offering no alternative's effectively denies you access to their establishment. I've spent far too long looking at the DDA for other reasons, as well!!

I've got to see my disability advisor today, will ask her if she knows the answer actually, as it might be a useful thing for some of us to use in future.

[Copper]

I don't like spices etc (well they make me feel ill to be more precise) so I have never been to a curry place either.

I had no idea what DDA was so had to look it up :)
Disability Discrimination Act - for anybody else in the dark.

[cnc]

Sorry Copper!! It's a phrase I have to use far too often so forget to tell others what it means.
Hope you manage to work things out Phillipa.

[jill]

On 8th June I went to a 40th birthday party for some twin girlfriends - to a Indian Curry House. I wrote a long list beforehand of what I couldn't eat and gave it to one of the birthday girls, to take into the restaurant. (I would have taken it myself but they were going anyway.) Apart from the initial confusion as they thought I was vegetarian aswell, (even though the note said I would prefer chicken for my maincourse ) I was well looked after and got a meal prepared just for me. I ended up with more starter than anyone, I think the look on my face when they initially brought out a plate of fried mushrooms & salad, must have said something as they then brought me 2 onion bahjis and 2 lamb kebab things. They said I couldn't eat the chicken tikka as that had yoghurt in it. They also refered to me as the "Special lady".
Phillipa - I think it might be best if you can go into the restaurant in person, with a list and talk with the manager, if they are still not helpful, then they will have lost a customer. I've also just been out for a meal to an Itailian restaurant and again they were most helpful as I requested no milk products before hand. Good Luck and let us know how you get on.

As a last resort take them a jar of Pataks Jalfrezi or Rogan Josh Curry Sauce - they don't have milk in them, and you can get a Garlic & Coriander Naan bread in Morrisons aswell that is dairy free.

[cnc]

I checked with my disability advisor and she said that she thinks it should come under the DDA as they class disability as 'substantial and long-term' and we thought that allergies would come under that.

As an aside I was very naughty and turned up to a meal where I hadn't warned the people that I was milk allergic, and they were lovely with me, told me not to apologise etc... and they were also apologetic that I couldn't have what everyone else was having and got to order something else. I was a bit worried when I went as I'd heard reports that they'd refused to cater for a vegan, but they were lovely with me.
It's so inconsistent and I'm sure sometimes it just depends who you speak to!!

[Phillipa]

Oh no, sorry, I didn't mean to alienate people by saying DDA, I forget that not everyone is familiar with the term and knows it means Disability Discrimination Act. Sorry.

I've spoken to a couple of people at the curry house and all it's done is made me more concerned. I've decided not to go to the birthday bash because I don't want to feel awkward and like I should be eating something there and then give in, hope that I'll be OK and suffer for days after, as I know I will! My hubby will go and represent us and I'll see the birthday boy another day.

Thanks for all your help though. Hope you don't feel it's been wasted, it's not.

[Copper]

Don't worry about upsetting us. We might need to know about the DDA one day.

I think that you are very wise to avoid the curry place. If I went there (not that I do spices) I would worry about what I was eating and how ill I was going to be.

[rebecca c]

Eating out always makes anxious and in my experience curry restaraunts are the least reliable, especially if phoning has not instilled any confidence in you. We have had a lot of luck with a good thai in Brighton and I rarely feel ill afterwards.

[jill]

Even though I've eaten out at both Italian and Indian Restaurants lately, both of whom were forewarned of my lactose intolerance, I still take a lactase tabet with the meal - just in case. I don't trust them completely. Shame that you are having to miss out though Phillipa, but its better to be safe than sorry and its not ery enjoyable when your worrying about being ill.

[Phillipa]

Just to show how unreliable places are, my hubby came home from the curry house last night and said they were given a menu with basic English things on it like chicken and chips!!!! They swore blind they didn't do Englsih things when I asked!

[Copper]

What a load of idiots :hammer: